For reporting period 1 January to 31 December 2012
PRIORITY ACTION ITEM: ‘THE GOLDEN BRIDGE’ DIGITAL RELEASE
Marketing and Sales are happy to report that November’s revenues have spiked considerably, bringing on uncharted increases in sales, goodwill and ‘karmic vibes’ (see glossary). It appears – in this instance, at least – that the Research and Development unit’s mid-year memo ‘The Future of Music Sales: It’s Fucking Easy, Just Make Music & The Sell It’ has borne fruit and the Board now plan to implement the remaining recommendations immediately:
+ Digital release of ‘The Golden Bridge’ by No Anchor on a wide variety of digitised formats with a varying price point including completely free via Bandcamp. This has been actioned. Customers may now download and/or stream the album from the following outlets :
- Bandcamp (recommended)
- Spotify
- iTunes
- CDBaby
+ Digital co-release of the ‘The Golden Bridge’ by No Anchor on J Randall’s ‘Grindcore Karaoke’ recording imprint. The Board is particularly impressed with Randall’s increased standing in the industry courtesy of Forbes online and have green-lit this project. *Release Imminent*
+ Retail roll-out of ‘The Golden Bridge’ in record stores around Australia including (but not limited to) :
- Tym Guitars (Bris)
- Black Wire (Syd)
- Polyester (Melb)
- Ritual (Melb)
- Jet Black Cat (Bris)
All teams are encouraged to ‘sell through’ the new album. Please consider the wider mission (‘Maximum Carnage In An Organised Fashion, since 2008’) while doing this.
EMPLOYEES OF THE YEAR AWARDS: 2012
We’d like to congratulate Alex Gillies and Donovan Miller for their continued dedication to No Anchor. Both exemplary employees. At the Christmas BBQ they will be awarded a commemorative certificate and a 15% raise in annual wages (to zero dollars, p.a.).
THE YEAR IN BUSINESS
Missing Employee
Firstly, it is with a heavy (corporate) heart that we report Ian Keith Rogers still ‘officially’ missing. He was last seen in Brisbane in July 2012 and many believe his departure may be linked to his unit’s (Yelping And Grooming) quarterly slump. Troubling as this is, recent media reports describing Rogers as ‘Noise-Rock’s John McAfee’ are slanderous and incorrect. Rogers is much, much younger than John McAfee. All staff are directed to ignore interview requests regarding Rogers and direct enquiries to Publicity.
Portable Analogue
The surprise success of our new product line (analogue cassettes) continues unabated. Direct sales from consumers to the Bandcamp web portal are strong and ongoing but are predicted to decline in 2015. Please tell your friends and family that ‘The John Dominance Tapes’ still present an idea value proposition during this coming months.
The Future of Live Performance
Unsure. Market Research are still ‘in the field’ with this. Predictions for 2013 are positive at this stage.
Collaboration & Partnership
Recent moves by ‘the creatives’ have seen them collaborate with Melbourne outfit DEAD and American imprint Amphetamine Reptile for two seperate 7″ releases. These product lines are nearing completion, with expected delivery dates set for the first half of 2013.
Existing 7” products have proven successful in 2012: theRope/Pussyfootin’ record is still in stock and tested well with suicidal late-20s office workers (a key demographic for us); the short-lived Tym Records split-release withBlack Level Embassy was deemed ‘too brutal’ and has since been deleted.
FINAL GREETING
We’d like to wish all staff, customers and stakeholders a very Merry Retail Season. We’ll see many of you at the shareholder meeting.
All employees are reminded to finalise their time-sheets by December and to go forth and thrash.
- The Board
‘Maximum Carnage In An Organised Fashion, since 2008’
